It's the summer movie season again! How exciting! I've been stuck indoors (i’m grounded, dont ask!) but was finally able to sneak out and head to the movies! Luckily, I'd been saving all the loose change I've seen in teh past few months so I could easily afford a ticket.
I asked the ticket guy what movie I should see and he grumbled something about how Godzilla was the next showing. Wow! This guy had no salesmanship in him. He grumbled even more after handful after handful of nickels and pennies spilled onto the counter.
I guess he wasn't a math major because it took him FOREVER to count it. Eventually he handed me a ticket and I made it to a seat. Soon the movie began and I wished I hadn't taken movie advice from someone who could hardly count!!!
First two things I noticed right away: 1. Where's Godzilla??? 2. Why don’t Japanese people live in Japan???? There was only 1 Japanese person in the movie. Was this some sort of symbolism or something?? Who knows. Maybe they had to rush it for a summer release and didn't have time to research how many Japanese people live in Japan.
Next where the heck was Godzilla in this thing? I thought I'd walked into the wrong movie for the first hour. Was the budget really that low? Wikipedia claims the budget was $160 million, but without Godzilla it was mostly just military guys running around, where'd all the money go?? Was this some embezzling thing the mob put together????? That seems the most likely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They also crammed some weird stuff into the film to try and get the younger "technophiles" interested. Firstly they measured distance in a "click" what the heck??? Does that mean it's so near it's basically a "click away" like a click on a mouse to get to a webpage? That's weird to try to include something like that.
Next they tossed in some weird steampunk references by making the bomb all old timey and looked like a pocket watch when they opened it up. Were they really that desperate for an audience that they tried to get steampunk people interested??? Do they even have money for mopvie tickets or do they trade cogs for goods and services?? Beats the heck out of me.
Finally at the end they show Godzilla for like 2 seconds then the credits roll. Nice one.
In summary: No Godzilla, no Japanese people in Japan, weird references I didn’t really understand or like and its all clearly a mob embezzling scheme which leads me to give this my lowest possible rating, ** two stars.
See ya next time at the movies!!!